While I'm not at all sure my random musings will actually help make interesting the mundane, I thought maybe getting some of the randomness out of my head might clear some of the chaos in there! That probably doesn't make sense, but as I'm not quite fully awake, it makes perfect sense to me.
{one} I am all at once excited, terrified, anxious, and exhausted just thinking about what things will be like in this household beginning in August. Just to catch you up- I'm returning to school full time to finish my B.S. in Communicative Sciences and Disorders. I have Senior standing, but because of the course sequencing and the fact that I came into the major late, it will take me 2 years to finish this degree, at which point I plan to pursue a Master's degree in Speech-Language Pathology. It's been 4 years since I was enrolled, and I'm very nervous about having to jump into upper division courses with what I believe to be a rather shaky foundation. Of course, I'm also anxious about how I'm going to balance my coursework with taking care of the kids & the house, etc. My husband is also enrolled in full time online courses in addition to working full time, and my "recently moved in" stepdaughter will be starting high school, so it's going to be very busy around here for the next few years!
{two} We're making progress with Paddy's speech, but it is such a slow and frustrating process. His speech therapist and special instructor each come once a week, and I *try* to do 3 short therapy sessions with him daily. The only words he says consistently are "Mama" & "Dada." He signs "more," "want," "help," and "drink," and we're working on using picture exchange communication system (PECS) as well as an assistive device that allows him to push a button to ask for what he wants.We're so thankful that in every area except expressive language his skills are developmentally appropriate, even advanced in some aspects, but it is so frustrating for everyone involved when he can't communicate with us. Our hope is that one day he'll develop intelligible speech, but in the meantime we're willing to try any system that helps him communicate. I'm always worried that he'll get separated from us and won't be able to ask for help, or he won't be able to tell us when he's hurting, or what we're going to do if he's still nonverbal when he's school aged, or how he'll feel if his little brother starts talking first, or if he'll ever be able to say "i love you." These are thoughts that are constantly running through my head, and it's exhausting feeling like I'm never doing enough for him. It's so hard trying to make every. single. interaction a lesson for him. I hope that my experiences with him will help me relate to the families I'll work with after graduation.
{three} I think my antidepressant is *maybe* starting to kick in. Yesterday I wasn't nearly as angry, impatient, or overwhelmed as I've been lately, and I don't think I wanted to kill even one person. :) This is progress, people. I guess the fact that I'm even writing a blog post is progress, since I haven't been able to think of anything to write for weeks now. This morning I feel "on top of things" for the first time in weeks. The house is clean, my morning routine is done, laundry is going, and I know exactly what I need to accomplish today (That's not to say it will all get done, but at least I have a list.)
{four} I really need to take more pictures. I love the ones I got of Paddy on his birthday, but I hardly have any of Little Dude or The Girl. And don't even think of asking for one of me. I said I was feeling better, but I am definitely not ready to look at pictures of myself!
{five} I'm happy to report that I've done a boot camp-style workout for 8 of the past 11 days, even setting my alarm for 5am on busy days so that I know I'll get my workout in. I've lost 5 pounds, for a total of 34 since Little Dude was born. I'm feeling much stronger and more flexible, so hopefully I'll start to see a difference soon, and maybe I'll even get some of those endorphins I keep hearing about! I'm still tracking my calorie intake via sparkpeople.com, but I'm trying not to obsess on the days I go over or forget to track.
{six} Have I mentioned how much I LOVE my HTC Hero? I've had it for about 2 months now, and the newness still hasn't worn off. I've always wanted an iphone, but with no way to switch service providers, I thought I'd *settle* for an android. Well, let me tell you, I no longer have iphone envy. at all. The only app I've wanted so far that's on iphone but not Android is Glee karaoke, and it's certainly one that I can live without. I feel so much more organized with all the info I could possibly need right in the palm of my hand, and I'm hoping that will help with the aforementioned chaos coming next month.
{seven} Paddy is playing happily in his room, and Little Dude is actually snoring while still attached to my boob. Now would probably be a good time for me to grab some breakfast. Hope everyone has a great day!
